I’m very harsh on myself. Believe me, i know. I never let myself be satisfied or happy with the present situation. I raise the bar up every time I reach a previous standard I set. I constantly reproach myself for not being good enough, for not doing good enough.
I constantly compare too. Its not the kind that derogates the other person; its rather one that shows me unchartered avenues and brilliance i’m yet to achieve.
Yet I do look for acceptance. I look for leniency and forgiveness. I want people to not only like me, but to look at me as one of the accomplished people they can set their bar against. I want this because this is something I never give myself. I never relent. I’m the beginning of my graph, the zero point.
And after all of this,I don’t like other people metting out the same judgement on me. I don’t even like it when someone tries to ‘boost my morale’ or tell me ‘Oh, you can do this. Just stay confident and practice!’……
All I think of then is, ‘Hey, what do u mean?! You think I cant do this? I lack confidence? Oh, I am better than u can ever imagine!! ‘ I know that may sound hypocritical and moronic, but we’re all human I guess.
I dont think I can say it better than Mr. Wilde, “There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel no one else has a right to blame us.” ( Dammit! He always does it better than you, doesn’t he? 😛 )