Monthly Archives: October 2012

Not Real?

The illusion of permanence should not be mistaken for reality. But one should always pretend and live like its real.

Feeling

“I’ve learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou

I came across this in a newspaper article recently. And it immediately struck a cord. Cause i’ve been debating and dealing with some issues recently which exemplify this.

Everyone is capable of arousing any and every emotion within you. You consider someone family, you consider some dear friends. But that is no guarantee that you will always have the most positive and happy vibes from them. Sometimes it is due to the fact that your feelings are not reciprocated, sometimes because of circumstances; it may even be unintentional. But it does happen.

But what my self blaming disposition has made me realise (after costing me a lot!) is that neither of this is your fault. And neither of this is in your hands. If you continue blaming yourself for having done things differently, of not having taken things to heart , or feeling more welcome just by pure will, then you’re not going to achieve anything. People are more than happy to let you shoulder all the blame. So don’t keep your plate full of blame for such people.

Yes, its always worth your while to change yourself. But be sure its not in vain. Its for people who want to help you shoulder the blame in any relationship. Its a two way bridge, you should get some in order to give some. Expectations shouldn’t be met because you adjusted them. You should be accepted for how you are. Cause no matter how much you try otherwise, you will always remember, like the nagging feeling of having misplaced something you don’t even remember, How they made you feel.

Make sure the feelings are happy ones. 😀

FAT

Fat. noun ; ‘a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animal bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs.’

As the Apple Dictionary App says. With my knowledge of biology, which is well above average, i can vouch for its credibility.

Yet is this the meaning we associate with the word? How many of you, when u read the title, thought of it like this?

And how many of you, conjured up a picture of old fat aunty sitting in her rocky chair? Or a teenage glutton in McD’s eating a Maharaja Mac? Or a fat girl walking down the street you once looked at and mocked?

Most of us, we live our lives silently branding people. We meet someone for the first time, and pick one attribute, usually the most obvious, and BOOM! Brand it to their foreheads. After that, the person is nothing but that. ‘Oh, you met the new guy in class? He’s suchha nerd!’ and ‘Oh, the new girl, the shabby one dude, she’s sitting to the right!’ also, ‘ Man, you saw the hot chick in the next building? She’s got sweet legs!’ or if  you’re like me, ‘Yeah, a new girl joined their lab. She’s the fat one. She’ll fit right into the sumo club.’ Nice way of saying welcome.

I knew reputation preceds oneself. But I live where appearance preceds and sets you up firmly. You are forever the ‘FAT’ girl. And no matter what you do, how you are, or what you’re capable of, it never goes away. Your friends dont give it a rest, your acquaintances think even less before remarking on it. Moreover, everyone expects you to be cool about it. Laugh along with them, cause its oh so funny! But you’re such a kill joy, or so sensitive if you cant find the humour in the repetitive jokes anymore. You’re touchy and better left alone. So you learn to laugh about it all through your school days, thinking the people you befriend later will be more mature and take you for what you are, not how you look. But how long are you supposed to wait? It just doesn’t seem to end. The same lame jokes about how the earth shakes when u walk, of how everyone’s in danger of falling through the earth if u take a fall, of how you won’t get hurt if you fall cause there’s soo much cushion,of practically huge people standing behind you because nothing is visible if your huge monstrosity stands in front of it and how funny it will be to hug you cause you wont fit in their arms,keep resurfacing with every new batch of people you meet.

How am I supposed to laugh at them? Even if I’m selfless and dont take offence at people cracking jokes at my expense, i cant laugh at these jokes because they’re plainly sad and old jokes to me. Yes, you cracked it for the first time, and proceeded to apologize right after it, but I didnt like it. Not because i’m fat. Believe me, I know that and live with it much better than you can imagine. But because i’m so totally tired of them.

I dont think people understand what they do, they crack a joke on a person and forget about it. Its a funny joke to them, but its my life. I’ve seen perfectly fine girls lament to their boyfriends on how fat they’re becoming. I’ve heard people complain that they were so fat when young. But i dont think they get it. What this tagging, this branding does is create a sort of small disability group. You single them out, cause u consider them dis-abled. I was recently asked a question, ‘Can u run?’. I don’t think it gets more evident than that. But what this is also capable of doing in the long run is actually making the person disabled. They think like that. They believe they cant.

I know obesity is no disability. Its very easily reversed, and all of the work and effort has to be my own. But I was always told oh you moan over nothing, you’re just too lazy to fix it. I was never given help or support to actually fix it. I am awkward in some situations because of it, I dont engage in any physical activities that may expose me to ridicule publicly, and am just shy of doing some things openly that another person may never think twice about. It doesnt show mostly, cause I am a strong person, and am exceptional in more ways than one to keep the fact hidden. But sometimes I miss doing those things. I miss being normal.

Its not easy being in someone else’s shoes, but if u cant accept a perfectly normal person in your life, except with a little extra weight, then i dont know where we’re headed.

PS: This was not written to imply in any way that this is the only way people react. There always are exceptions, and i’m grateful to be with quite a lot of them. This is also not a ‘hate piece’ inspired by years of frustration. This is a totally objective evaluation,just from a different perspective. And these are my personal views, everybody may not agree with them. We will agree to disagree. 😀