Loyalty

Its difficult to learn that nobody’s really on your side, not even people who are supposed to be. Not even people biologically programmed to be. Not even people society tells you are yours. Not even people you chose as your team mates. Not even people you chose as your soul mates.

Its difficult to realise, and even worse to internalise.

But if there is something even worse to do, is to realise how to safeguard yourself from these people who were supposed to be on your side. How to protect yourself from people who were supposed to protect you. How to reprogram your sense of “self” and “other”, of “mine” to “not  mine”. It can be disorienting.

I have only so far been able to realise that life presents you with these situations where its necessary to do this. Sometimes its not as difficult to practice. But sometimes its practically impossible to be able to make a choice, a healthy choice.

And so countless people continue living in situations with lives made up of many superficial relationships, and no one, really to call your own.

There is no solution to my eyes really, except in being extremely lucky to either have no such occasion to discover that nobody’s really on your side, or the more rare and coveted situation where you actually have someone on your side. For real.

In either scenario, I envy you.

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About Tanaya

Just another ordinary girl, who strives to be not so ordinary. I'm pathologically introspective, on a constant rampage to make everything in life have meaning, and trying, in the process, to understand myself 'honestly'. I'm also a biology grad student and a fun loving person who enjoys artistic creativity and music.

Posted on June 22, 2017, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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